Over the course of this website’s history I have recieved several emails asking how I balance dental school and a family. While I am no professional in the subject, I have been married for six years and have half as many kids, so my opinion and experiance will have to do. I encourage any comments on this subject as well.
Dental School is just a step in life. It ends. It lasts for four years and then life moves on. Your family on the other hand stays with you - or at least it should. The first thing to do is to prioritize. Family comes first. This is up to interpretation of course. During finals week my family might have dropped a few notches on the priority totem pole. I have come up with a few items that have helped keep my family happy - most of the time.
- Time. Your family needs a daily dose of time. There is always 24 hours in one day. Subtract the time spent at school, the needed study time, dinner time, etc. and use the leftover time to spend with your wife and kids. Sometimes you won’t have any time at all. During my second year I remember leaving early for school, coming home, eating, putting the kids to bed, talking to my wife for 10-15 minutes and studying until bedtime. This was common during the first two years but was remedied by a simple thing seen in #2.
- Date Night. My classmate (who helped write this article) who also has a family likes the following saying, “It is better to spend money on date night during dental school than to spend money on marriage counseling after dental school.” If you go a week and have only spent 15-30 minutes a day with your family than a date night is a good time to relax and have fun. My uncle went through dental school with a family and his motto was to study hard on weekdays and have fun on the weekends. Date nights on a budget usually consist of going out to dinner, a movie, renting a movie, hanging out with friends, going into the city, playing rockband together, etc. You don’t have to go all out each time, it is the quality of time spent together. Find other families in your area and do a swap. Each week one family takes all the kids for THREE hours while the other families go out. Each week rotates between familes. That means that if you get 4 families to participate you get to go out for three weeks in a row and babysit on the fourth week. The babysitting part isn’t so bad because all the kids entertain each other.
- When you are spending time with your family are you there in mind or just body? Sometimes when it was close to finals I would find myself hanging out with my family, but my mind was elsewhere. I would be half listening to my boys or my wife - or sometimes not be listening at all. When you are hanging out, take a deep breath, relax, and hang out. Then get back to your studies or lab work, etc.
- Help out around the house. My wife stays at home with our kids and her routine is pretty much the same. Chores don’t change that much and don’t get more or less exciting. If you come home after along day and you see a pile of laundry on the couch or the garbage is overflowing…take a minute to help out. It only takes about ten minutes to do a few chores and your spouse will appreciate it whether they say so or not. It is the small things that help a relationship.
- Communicate. This is done daily and is self explanatory. Dental school is stressful for everyone. Your spouse wants to spend time with you, your kids miss you, and you miss your family. I won’t get too mushy here, but express gratitude, tell each other you miss them during the day. More communication can be done during date night.
- Marry an understanding person. My wife is a strong women. In fact she ran 3 or 4 eight-minute miles almost everyday up until about 6-7 months into her third pregnancy. I can’t drive three mile without breaking a sweat. She is very understanding and has made many sacrifices so I could pursue my studies. Make sure to be understanding of your spouses sacrifices and spouses make sure you realize the sacrifices your spouse is making while in dental school.
None of this information is profound in anyway. This is a little of what we have done in dental school. A lot of this is different depending on the family dynamic and the relationships and personalities of each member. Not all my time is spent with either school or family which makes prioritizing difficult. I am a member of several clubs at school and am a scoutmaster for my church and I am looking at pursuing more education after dental school. LIFE WILL ALWAYS BE BUSY. Dental school is just one chapter in the whole scheme and it is very possible to get through dental school with a family. Remember: Roughly 4,500 new dentists graduate each year, a decent percentage of them are married with kids and if they can do it, so can you. I hope this helps and feel free to comment or ask specific questions and I will do my best to answer them.
colin, brannon, evrett
Join the forum discussion on this post - (3) Posts 
11 responses so far ↓
1 N.N. // Apr 23, 2009 at 10:23 am
I really loved this post of yours, everyone thinks that “marriage and kids” are too difficult when you’re in school and that you should wait, that’s a reallllly long time to wait! Being married and having children will always be challenging, whether or not you’re in dental school. Your children are adorable
2 Michael // Apr 23, 2009 at 12:14 pm
Great posting, which highlights some really important values. Thanks for sharing. Family is number 1, and always has to be treated as such.
My pre-health advisor once gave me a pretty good advise “… commit to a certain amount of time to the family, when you’re in shool. Make sure that they understand that on a specific day of the week (days of the week, hours of the day, etc.) you will be 100% dedicated to them. They will look forward to those days, when they miss you the most. The important part of the deal, is that you never break the time commitment and be mentally present during those times…”
3 Jenny Phung // Apr 23, 2009 at 8:05 pm
Ben, I just want to say KUDOS to you! I love this post. Keep them coming. I am a big fan.
4 Diana Romero // May 2, 2009 at 11:08 am
Great article! Love the site! Just wondering if there are any females in school balancing the same issue. I am married but don’t have children yet. I anticipate being in school in the next 2-3 years, I am worried about waiting such a long time to have kids. If we do have kids before then I am wondering how its all balanced. I have heard some females have children while in the last 2 years of school although I’m not sure it’s possible! Any insight?
5 Ben // May 2, 2009 at 5:07 pm
There are a few girls in my class who have had children while in school. One girl took a year off and the other I think took a couple of weeks off and does daycare or her husband watches the kid. I am not sure. I have seen about 4 prego’s walking around our school though, so it is definitely a possibility!
6 Dentist Melbourne // May 23, 2009 at 1:16 am
Really nice post, Now those people who can’t balancing their time & family, they know from this post..
Thanks.
7 Tom Frain // Jul 28, 2009 at 10:42 am
Ben - thanks so much for the site here. Have been looking at it for a while as I am thinking about Dental school. Re: Family - I have a wife and 1 yr old girl + 3 yr old boy. I’m just really worried that I will miss out on a lot of time with them. My concern is that I will be “that dad” that isn’t there for his kids. In reality, how much time can you spend with your family ON AVERAGE not necessarily on the “bad days” or during finals. I mean, do you get an hour a day? Is that just sometimes or is that regularly? I’m afraid that I’ll finish school and all of sudden realize that my kids are 8 and 6 and I just missed all of it. You know what I mean??
8 Drew Franklin // Aug 26, 2009 at 7:42 pm
Ben: I was really inspired to read your post. My wife and I have two kids with one on the way. I am in the process of applying to dental school. I was curious about two things. One, where do you attend school? And, how are you paying for this? We have a mortgage and my wife stays home. We are not sure if loans will cover all of this. Thanks for your input.
9 ruby // Nov 8, 2009 at 9:13 am
Hi Ben
Ive been so troubled by how im going to maintain a family in dental school that ive been up all night and just found ur blog!
I have 2 girls already and the most understanding and supportive husband ever! However, i do not anticipate being in dental for another 2 yrs (i apply next yr) and i always wanted kids and have a big family. Im young now and doing my post bacc with two kids which is challenging but nothing i cant handle. Due to our situation my husband i will have to go through IVF for our next child as it is. Im not sure if i want to have a huge age difference between my first two kids and the next one. I know everyone tells me that first 2 yrs are tough. My husband would not be working if i were to have more kids now so we can be done with our family when i start school (and my youngest will be a yr old when i start school) And we plan to get a nanny. I dont know, i could choose to wait till after school to have more kids but then my oldest children will be 9 and 8!
Its so hard to decide. I was in hygiene school with no kids and i thought that was so time consuming!
I guess it can work.
Any MORE advice wud help!!
u all are an inspiration!
10 ruby // Nov 8, 2009 at 9:24 am
Im sorry, i meant he wont be working while im in dental school for atleast the first yr anyway.
11 Michael // Feb 4, 2010 at 3:15 am
Ben, once again great post. You’ve done an amazing job highlighting that living a good family life and working at the dream of becoming a great dentist is perfectly attainable.
Thanks for the insight!
Leave a Comment